My Facebook Memories feed popped up a post I wrote from two years ago just now called ‘Dear Tilly’ – a message from me to my daughter about why I do what I choose to do with my life.
Things I wrote from the heart such as
“Here’s why I do what I do.
I want to pay for you to have the best schooling – I want to do more with my life than fold up the laundry – I want to use my brain – I want to have fun.”
“The world needs women like YOU, Tilly, to make a difference.
To create jobs for others, to inspire others to live their best lives.”
It was a call for my daughter to be extra-ordinary – to stand out – to be significant.
Here’s what I write today instead – 2 years on.
Through the work that I do and the life that I live from this point forward, I hope to show you that ordinary is beautiful.
You don’t need to do anything to improve yourself; you’re already perfect.
You don’t need to strive for targets and push yourself to achieve no matter what, create a huge impact in the work through taking massive action; you already have everything you’re looking for.
That I’ve realised you don’t need “the best schools in the country” so that you can get the highest GCSE grades and beat everyone else so that you can into a school where you can get the highest A-Levels so you can beat everyone else to get a place at the best university so that you can get the highest level of degree so that you can beat everyone else into a high-paying job or career so that you can pay for your kids to go to “the best schools in the country”…….
I’m opting out of the parenting arms race on your behalf.
Just be you. Just do what’s in front of you to do. Throw yourself into it. Be here now.
Be in life now, not hanging out for the next thing, and the next thing and what might happen in the future.
It’s the striving for having more, doing more and being more that causes so much unnecessary suffering.
Be ordinary. Please be ordinary.
Because it’s a rare person that is totally happy where they are right here, right now, in this moment, whatever’s going on in the world around them.
Which is kind of extra-ordinary all on it’s own.
And it’s so so so so so much easier.
It’s why I’m slowly dis-entangling my life from the quest for extra-ordinary.
And to some extent yours as a result.
I know it’s not pretty, and it can feel hard to make changes you feel you have no choice in, but please know I’m doing this in service to you.
So that you can be ordinary and to have a more wonderful life as a result.
And it’s enough, more than enough.
Because when you can carry that out into the world – being happy being ordinary – you allow everyone else around you to do the same.
What a different world it would be if I, and everyone else, were successful in showing you, our children, through our own lives, the truth in that.
I love you,