You’re going to get a few ski-themed posts from me given that I’ve kind of gone on a ski holiday by mistake, but don’t actually ski so while the rest of the family are off and about I’m here in the apartment using the time to reflect and write.
Here’s a post I wrote on Sunday…
Here’s where I’m at this morning. We arrived at the ski resort yesterday and had a very quick wander around the resort before realizing we were terribly under-dressed for this kind of thing and most of us had slipped and fallen on our bums at least once.
But it was all sunshine and blue skies and bright and sparkling.
Today we woke up to snow bucketing out of the sky and the whole world has turned white. I literally cannot see more than 3 feet out of my balcony.
We ventured out as the kids are desperate to start skiing and although I refuse to strap two bits of metal to my feet and career off the side of a mountain (see previous history on this), I wanted to see my kids do that exact thing – for some reason I cannot fathom, they think this is the best thing in the world.
However 10 metres down the road and I’d lost sight of our apartment and in fact every possible thing I can use to orient myself – I had visions of myself wandering around lost, under-dressed until I slipped over a broke my ankle and slowly froze to death, coupled with humiliating headlines about ‘stupid tourists’.
So I waved goodbye to Mr B and the kids and they vanished into the whiteness (never to be seen again in my head) and headed back to the safety of the apartment, while I could vaguely remember where it was.
So now I’m here safely writing where I can’t fall over or freeze to death, and reflecting how scared I can often be of the unknown.
I’d love to go explore what’s out there – I need some new snow boots as mine are for fashion purposes only and so my toes are encased in blocks of ice the second I go out the door here – and apparently there’s some great sales on.
But I’m scared because I can’t see all the way down the road.
I can only see the next step, and the next step and the next step and nothing but white all around me.
And in some circumstances and on some days that’s just fine with me. Way more fine that it used to be, that’s for sure.
But today instead I sit at home and scare myself with my thinking.
As humans, we do that all the time.
In truth, we have no idea what life will throw at us 10 minutes from now. But that’s too scary for most of us to contemplate, so instead we make up pictures in our head of how we expect life to run.
Sometimes scary pictures, if we’re up to something new, or exciting or different in the world (think becoming a mother for the first (or third) time, setting up in business for ourselves, going out of the house if you’re an agoraphobic), and sometimes lovely pictures (think heading out on a holiday to somewhere you know and love with full expectations of sangria and sunshine).
But in truth, we’re just painting pictures in our heads and more often than not scaring ourselves with them.
In many areas of my life I’ve seen that ‘if that thing (insert migraine, panic attack, crazy knife attacker/whatever you’re scared of) happens, I’ll be taken care of. I’ll know what to do in the moment.
And that’s knocked a whole load of frightened thinking and ‘what if…’ management off my to-do list.
And yet today, it still looks real to me that I’ll go out of the door, something awful might happen and when it does, I won’t be able to cope.
It doesn’t look real to the other people I can see when they pass close to my balcony who are off wandering around without a care in the world as far as I can see.
So I know it’s not TRUE, it just looks that way in my thinking.
What I love about understanding the Principles is that it DOESN”T tell you how you should live your life.
If it did, I would need to give myself a good talking to/hope for an insight/get out there and test it out right now.
Instead, the Principles are just a description of what’s going on.
While you have scary thoughts about a particular situation, and therefore experience scared feelings, you’ll probably try to avoid the situation.
That’s just the way it works.
And somehow that understanding in and of itself creates a different experience of the ‘problem’.
I’m scared, but I’m not scared that I’m scared. I’ll just carry on being scared until I’m not.
There’s nothing I need to do about it.
Nothing to see here, move along please….
Update to post: I read a bit of Joseph Bailey’s Fearproof Your Life. I couldn’t tell you what I read exactly, but I will tell you I’ve been out and about here like a ‘normal’ person ever since. No courage required – it just didn’t look scary any more. Book review to come shortly 🙂