I haven’t written a blog for a while. That’s because there’s something that’s been going on here that I’ve felt I needed to hide.

Now suddenly, instead of hiding it, it feels like it’s something I need to share with you.

So here goes…let me start with a question….

What if the point of being in business was different than you thought?

I’ve been slowly coming to a new realization over the past few weeks.

About the meaning of life and why we’re here.

So just the small stuff then (!)

In fact I think this realization has been slowly dawning for me since July 2013 when I started to ‘wake up’. On that day when I hit the big number in my business that I’d been working towards for all those years and found there was nothing there.

What if the aim of life wasn’t ‘more, bigger, better’?

What if our businesses didn’t exist to pander to our egos by making the biggest impact on the world that we can before we die?

That the profundity of insights we have into how our message could change the lives of so many wasn’t the form of the insight itself, the words, but instead the experience of touching that space where insight comes from?

And if the point of our business wasn’t actually to accumulate profit, to prove to those nay-sayers that we CAN fucking do it, or to be in service of our egos by enabling us to put ourselves out there as something special.

What if there’s something deeper on offer in this game of entrerpreneurship?

With our businesses, we usually strive to make them bigger, better, faster, stronger.

They’re never enough.

We forget to enjoy them. Or rather we enjoy them WHEN they are bigger, better, faster, stronger, for about twenty minutes, before we jump back on the treadmill and just create the next goal to run after. Or mostly, we don’t enjoy them because they’re not as big, good, fast and strong as we’ve decided we want them to be.

Instead of seeing business as this rather frustrating game….let me ask you this….

What if being an entrepreneur is just the game we find ourselves drawn to because that’s our way to see what’s really true about life?

Others find themselves as actors, or artists, or teachers or doctors.

For us, it’s being in business.

But what if the game of life we’re drawn to is just a context for something deeper to unfold, if we’re able to wake up to it.

Being in business is just a context – creating a ‘great one’ might just not the aim the of the game.

I feel like being in business for me is what’s woken me up to something deeper than ‘more, bigger, better’.

It’s taken me a while: I was fully engaged in the ‘more, bigger, better’ game for a long time and played it pretty well.

It’s taken ‘more bigger better’ disintegrating underneath me for a deeper truth about what’s going on here to be revealed.

That’s what this whole game of being in business has been about. Not what I thought at all.

If it weren’t for hitting the big number, maybe I wouldn’t have had that profound insight: “Shit, there’s nothing here.”

Something truer than more, bigger, better was awakened in me that day.

Going through the journey of being offered an eye-boggling amount of money for JigsawBox, then it all falling through at the last moment a couple of years ago showed me something about resilience.

And more recently, I’ve had the experience of my income going down.

“OMG, did she really just tell us that?”

Yes, I just did.

“I thought when you learned about the Principles, it would automatically help you grow your business and make more money??!!! WTF – this better not happen to me!!!!” (insert panicked tone)

Don’t stress. This is my journey, not yours. The way I see it, the more you understand about the Principles, the more you see just what you need to. Chill out. Keep reading…

It’s a natural fallout of creating a new business I know, but I have fought this fact with desperation for a long time (which you would when the game is ‘more, bigger, better’) and to no avail.

And wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone.

But the coolest thing ever happened when, very recently, I gave up that fight.

It was like I was out of my depth in a swift river and fighting and fighting really hard against the current.

I gave up, partly because I had attempted all my tried and tested strategies for keeping my head above water and had no choice, but also because I had the slightest glimmer of insight that there was something powerful in going with the flow of where the river clearly was planning on taking me anyway.

And what has happened for me is that my happiness, joy in life, peace of mind, contentment and connection to something deeper has strengthened.

I have to put this in bold in case you miss it. My income went down and my life got better.

Because, like when I hit the big number and what I thought was going to be there wasn’t, neither was the thing I feared the most would happen when my income went the other way.

I’m not even clear what I thought I was so scared of, but whatever it was, I’ve been terrified of it for years, doing my utmost not to have to stare it in the face.

Only to discover there was no ‘there’ there either.

When I shared with my mentor, Michael Neill, what was going on with my bank account, he told me he thinks this is the biggest gift I could have been given.

I realize my business never was there to help me do ‘more, bigger, better’. Instead it’s been there to show me something wonderful about life.

Something that’s freed me up to have a wonderful life, regardless of income.

That, to me, is true financial freedom.

With that realization I feel such a sense of freedom. A fresh start.

The flipchart paper where I used to brainstorm ideas for future business I realize always contained an invistble border around the outside of the page. The border contained the words ‘more, bigger, better, must have impact, must make me look special, needs to pay school fees.’

It feels like I just flipped over to a fresh sheet and those borders are no longer there.

That anything could appear now on that flipchart, stuff that’s beyond my current imagination. Might be in the game of busines, might not.

It’s not up to me what gets written there next, and I just have a gentle curiosity about it, instead of a feeling of desperation that “I” better fill it up as quickly as possible because after all I have bills to pay!

How cool is that?

I have a sense that it’s going to get a bit messy for a while.

While I extricate myself and my family from things in my life built from a place of needing more, bigger, better.

But I feel a solid and unshakeable ground underneath my feet that supports me while I do so, which I guess is why whatever it is that determines the timetable of our lives has determined that now would be a good time for me to see this.

I had no grounding before. My whole world would have fallen to pieces and I would have had no sense at all that I would be OK.

I certainly wouldn’t be telling you about it 🙂 Especially if I thought the game was still about more, bigger, better.

But I have a solid knowing I will always be OK in my bones now, so I can handle life’s ‘messes’ with a grace and resilience that wasn’t available to me before.

I have no idea what will, I feel so grateful that I’m not attached to what does, because I see that life just keeps handing me opportunity to see more about how it really works.

And the more I see that’s true, the more I trust I have that whatever happens next is just what I need. And the more I trust that, the less scared I am of what the future holds and can relax into it.

And every time life shows me something more, my connection with truth deepens and I fall more deeply in love with the life I already have right in this moment, whatever the form it’s currently taking.

And that, to me, beats the game of more, bigger, better hands down every time.

 

 

Edit to post: See Part Two I wrote to follow up this post.

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