In the spirit of my month of un-doing, I’ve decided to un-wine.
Like most of my friends who are mothers, that 7pm (OK sometimes 5.30pm) glass of wine signals the end of the day.
No more car-rides to give.
How wrong could it go from this point on in the day? (ie. How likely is it that I will need to drive to accident and emergency between now and tomorrow morning?)
Into my pajamas if I feel like it.
End of the day.
Give me a ‘like’ at the bottom of the post if you know what I mean.
And I’m not an alcoholic, but I don’t like that behaviour.
It seems pointless to me.
It costs a LOT, it gives me a gammy head, and I just don’t like the thought that I feel like I need it to switch my brain off because I’ve had a hectic day.
And every now and again I have a ‘right, that’s it, I’m not drinking unless I go out/ unless it’s Friday/ it’s my birthday’ or some other such totally arbitary rule.
And then I do the ‘Shall I?/Shan’t I?’ conversation in my head from about 4pm.
You know the one….’
You said you wouldn’t because it’s Wednesday.
Yes but it’s the school holidays so I bloody well deserve one.
Well there’s no wine in the house..
Yes but you could go to the shop to get some.
But the kids are in their night clothes.
Yes but you could put jeans over the top and no one would know.
WHAT am I thinking?
Maybe I AM an alcoholic.
Distract yourself, you don’t really want a glass of wine.
(Insert row with kids)
“Right kids, get in the car, no you don’t need slippers, you won’t be getting out. I just need to run into the shop and get some ……..er……….dog food!”
And I lost the battle again.
It just bores me.
But given the framework of un-doing I’m currently sitting in, I had the thought: What if that whole conversation was just Bob arguing with himself? What if it was just thought?
He does that.
And he likes a bit of company when he’s on the special brew.
What if it didn’t matter if he turned up or not.
What if I didn’t fancy drinking with him?
And it was up to me whether or not I wanted to take him seriously.
After all, why would you consider taking this guys advice as a call to action.
There’s no point fighting with him – he just looms up bigger and looks more real if you try that on him.
Just let him mutter on harmlessly in the corner.
I see you Bob.
I’d like to not drink a single glass of wine from now until I go on holiday later this month.
With this insight into what’s really going on here.
And see if it feels different to ‘trying to give up my evening glass of wine’ that I’ve been doing for years.
But more just an experiment in ignoring Bob and seeing what happens.
A few weeks of un-Bobbing.
Even though it’s the first day of the school holidays…..
And I’ll let you know how the un-wine-ing goes.
Oh and please, please post a comment below if any of this resonates with you, otherwise Bob will just start telling me very loudly ‘you are a loser, the only one who does this and you ARE an alcoholic’!